Feb 5, 2016 Daily Life
… made us all happy, especially our daughter (not pictured) and the dog (pictured, but not in the snow).
Feb 4, 2016 Daily Life, Uncategorized
Shadows of the Real
©February 4th, 2016By Vijaya Sundaram
Shadows chase shadows chasing shadows
And mirrors reflect mirrors reflecting mirrors.
And you stand to one side,
A shadow within a shadow,
Leaving behind no dent,
Causing no reflections,
Barely a whiff of air to prove you existed.
So easy to say, “What’s the point?”
As you watch squirrels chase each other
In pseudo-Spring in January.
So easy to feel nothing, nothing at all!
So easy to fold clothes endlessly,
Wash dishes, and see reflections
Bouncing off metal and glass.
So easy to get upset at news
And shrug silently, and watch
Dog settle with sigh upon couch
Knowing all reality is where one is
And yet, knowing that is not all–
Children wash ashore cold and dead,
And children from the cradle of the world
Lie hurt and fearful far away
In cold lands where they would
Rather not have been,
But for the hate and rage of adults.
Contradictions will kill us all
But we butter our toast
And drink our coffee
And read a book,
And wonder where Time went.
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Tags: #Contradictions, #Life, #Original Poetry, Syrian refugees, War
Jan 7, 2016 Daily Life, Ramblings and Musings
A Bit of Abrupt Reality (Dog-Tail #3
©December 6th, 2016
By Vijaya Sundaram
I went to the woods today — TWICE!
The first time, I went with the Hod. It was a beautiful day, and she was excellent for the first part of our walk. Then, on the way back, she was VERY bad — ran off and didn’t come when I called (and this is the first time she’s done that — must be adolescent rebellion), darted amongst trees in a tantalizing manner, then vanished. I yelled out her name several times with increasing panic in my voice, then said, “I’m going!” and set off briskly back down the main path, close to tears. My husband told me not to worry when I called him on the phone, semi-hysterical. I told him I wasn’t worried that she would run away — I was worried that she’d find her way home (which she can) without me, and I was terrified of the traffic near our home.
Well, I needn’t have worried. I heard the familiar jingling of her tags, and turned around, to see her running towards me, nose to the path. This dog tracks perfectly.
Alas, I WASN’T pleased, however. I behaved like those parents whose children disappear in a public place, then yell at them in relief when they reappear. So, I scolded her, and she let me put the leash back on her. She may have been abashed, but it’s hard to tell. Her tail was wagging, and she seemed cheerful. And her legs were very wet.
We went home (in icy silence on my part) and I gave her a half-bath from the chest down. I could now see how utterly filthy she had gotten — the water ran brown for a long time. She must’ve have found a cold mud-puddle.
Anyway, she was very good after that — for a while, at any rate — until she stole some food that my husband had left out. She was a bad dog today!
After a while doing various errands, I realized I’d lost a lovely earring that a friend had given me, so I determinedly set off to the woods to find it. I retraced all my paths, knowing in the way that I know when an object I’ve “lost” is near me somehow. Didn’t find it. On the way, though, I found what I think was the source of Holly’s distraction: A family of three deer, two adults and a fawn, leaping gracefully across icy slopes. It was arresting and beautiful. Then, I continued my search, which was fruitless.
On my way home, I thought that I would definitely find my earring, if not today, then tomorrow (I really don’t like losing things, more so than most people, I think, because I go crazy looking for them, and in most cases, find them).
Reached home, thinking that perhaps it would be on the floor, if I got lucky.
And my daughter opened the living room door and said, “I FOUND it!” (It had been on the floor — near the radiator!)
I am never wrong about things that I’ve lost that I know will be found.
AND I clocked in at 5 1/2 miles of walking today.
Perhaps, I should just pretend I’ve lost an earring and go to the woods twice every day, instead of once.
And take Holly with me.
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Dec 25, 2015 Culture, Daily Life
Photographs©Vijaya Sundaram, December 25th, 2015 (Some presents, walk in the woods in the late December afternoon, some brownies, and that cake!)
We spent yesterday with extended family at Amherst, eating our “traditional” Christmas Eve Chinese food at Amherst Chinese Restaurant.
Today, a quiet day with just us — we had lovely pancakes which my husband made for breakfast, then exchanged presents, followed it with a couscous-veggie lunch, after which we took a walk in the woods with Holly in the late afternoon.
Then, I took it upon myself to bake — it’s been a while since I did that.
First, just a brownie from mix, but I substituted butter with veg. oil, and then glazed it with chocolate sauce. Very nice, actually!
Then, to follow it up, I created something from scratch (I’d baked from scratch once before in the summer, on a whim without a recipe, and it was GOOD), — well, this one turned out “beautifully,” according to my daughter. I was worried, because it was so impromptu. I didn’t dare to hope for much.
Still, this is what I baked:
A lemon-poppyseed cake with crushed almonds, vanilla extract, glazed lemon peel and raisins (I’d saved some lemon rinds, from which my husband decided to make glazed lemon peels the other day), plus cardamom, saffron, almond, yoghurt and brown sugar. I also used butter AND sesame oil. Sounds weird?
Well, it turned out to be really, really light, tasty and rich. All three of us had seconds. Nice, no?
Perhaps, I should make it again. The question is: Will it come out the same way? I tend to do things on a whim. Not good, if you want to be a baker-type. Right?
Anyway …
I finally baked something on Christmas Day.
Must be turning into an American.
This was a nice Christmas, very low-key, quite relaxed. Thank goodness!
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Here’s my recipe for my Poppy-Seed-Candied-Lemon, Cardamom-Saffron-Yogurt Cake:
Ingredients:
Candied lemon peel with raisins (a harried clutchful)
Cardamom – 1/2 teaspoon
Saffron — a miserly pinch
3 cups flour, a white flurry of it
2+cups sugar, brown and earthy
Dash of white sugar — we like mixed marriages here!
2 eggs, beaten into submission
3/4 poppy seeds, toasted, but not in hell-fire
1 stick butter, melted and cooled (like the Arctic)
Equivalent sesame oil, for that nice, virtuous taste
Splash of vanilla extract (a reminder of our hedonistic leanings)
3 big tablespoons of yoghurt — to lighten things up, or the mood becomes sombre
Crushed 8-12 almonds. (Die, almonds, die!)
Mix all well.
350 degrees in oven till baked.
I’ll never be a good cookbook writer! Sigh.
Tags: #Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Gifts and Food, Happy Christmas!, Walk with Family and Dog
Dec 23, 2015 Daily Life
All photographs ©Vijaya Sundaram, December 23rd, 2015
Holly and I took a walk together earlier today. It was a warmish-cool afternoon (in December!), with the temperatures between 57° and 52° degrees, and yes, the world is slowly coming to an end, while global warming and climate change do their gritty business, fulfilling their promise to the humans who began it all … but it was still a pretty day.
There were scores of ducks on this shallow pond two miles away from my home, quacking up a storm. I even saw a drake mating, or attempting to mate with its partner, who seemed to be drowning, but shook herself, and sailed on.
It was a beautiful, if somewhat sombre afternoon, with grays and red-browns dominating. Duck-lust was in the air, but the dog couldn’t care less. I expected Holly to strain and point at the ducks (which she did when she was younger), since Standard Poodles are duck-hunters historically, but beyond a cursory look, she padded on, more interested in checking her pee-mail (I have to credit my husband for that pun!), and checking out the new surroundings, fully ready to protect and serve.
Walking with my dog always puts me right. The world could be falling apart around me, and the skies could be raging with methane fires, but with my dog by my side, and a wooded area, with some water, I can steady my breath, and feel whole again.
Happy almost-Christmas Eve, for those who celebrate, and for those who don’t, well, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!
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by Vijaya Sundaram
December 23rd, 2015
Tags: #walkingwithdognearpond, A warm day in December, Dog-Tails, Ducks, Pond
Dec 23, 2015 Culture, Daily Life, Uncategorized
Of Human Boatage* Photograph ©Vijaya Sundaram, Nov. 14th, 2015, View of the Yamuna River across from the Taj Mahal, Agra, India
With apologies to W. Somerset Maugham
Tags: #YamunaRiverTajMahal, Original Photograph by Vijaya Sundaram
Nov 3, 2015 Daily Life
So, on Friday, my daughter and I leave for India. We’ll be flying on Emirates (which, I’ve heard, is an excellent airline). We’ll be gone from the 6th through the 23rd of November.
We’re excited, because this is the first time she’ll be celebrating Diwali, and that too, in the land where it’s meant to be celebrated! It’s going to be lovely. I’ve told her what to expect. She’s quite excited.
I haven’t posted much for the past few days, because our schedule has been more hectic than ever, and also, I haven’t done my usual stay-up-at-night-and write routine. Trying to change my bad old ways. Alas, I’ll now have to learn to write during the morning hours, which is when I’ll have more time. But what do I do what that time? I whittle it away.
I’m missing writing poetry, and I do find that if one does not practise one’s discipline and art, it simply won’t happen. We cannot wait around looking for lightning to strike, or some other damned metaphor like that (gosh, I am feeling unpoetic — how unusual for me!). We have to make lightning happen. Okay, I’ll stop with that uninspired metaphor now!
In any case, I’m hoping to blog from India. Perhaps, I’ll write more before I leave on Friday. I’m missing this space!
Meanwhile … mundane things prevail, like cell phone activation, laundry, and learning how to set up an i-Phone (I finally caved to the world of SmartPhone technology, and got on a very nice data plan with a progressive phone company, and got three free i-Phone 5s, one for each of us. Very simple plans, no fancy apps, no extravagant gigabyte consumption. I promise to take some nice pictures with it!). And apart from that, I’ve read a lot, taken my daughter to her various home-school activities, taken the dog out forwalks, tutored a kid, taught guitar … these things occupy my days. All of it seems tame compared to my mad, crazy, whirlwind schedule for the past seventeen years, but it’s still hectic. Work expands to fill the time … etc.
I like this life.
And, I shall keep my appointment with my Muse on the flight to India. Euterpe had better keep me company!!
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Tags: First Diwali in India for daughter, India trip, mundane matters
Oct 29, 2015 Daily Life, Ramblings and Musings
Today, Washed Clean
©October 29th, 2015
By Vijaya Sundaram
The backyard patio is swept clean of leaves, the steep flight of front stairs leading up to the house are swept, the bulbs are in (maybe I’ll plant more today, since I have more — I’m turning into a bulb-freak!), and the rain has wiped the world clean.
I’m sitting with a cup of coffee here, at my favorite spot — the cluttered, unfashionable kitchen table, and contemplating life.
The dog sleeps, nose to toes, curled in a C, on the white, cushiony single-sofa-seat, which I had originally intended for my/our use when we got it. The dog simply decided that that was HER chair, and, without preamble, appropriated it.
Now that I see her in it, I see her logic. I fits her form perfectly. It’s C-dog-shaped. It’s cozy. Well-done, Holly! (Call me a fond and foolish person for letting my dog rule me. You are right. I am fond and foolish.)
Today, my husband is heading out to his mother’s retirement community home, which is two and a half hours away from here. He is preparing to move her to an “assisted living” facility. This is going to be fraught with a tumbling mix of emotions. We all knew the time would come, but hoped that it would not. For, you see, my mother-in-law is a strange blend of a cognitively high-functioning, highly intelligent, intellectual person and someone who is losing her memory. Add to this the fact that she is good at creating perfectly reasonable-sounding rationalizations for her lapses, and we have a very painful situation. She does not want to go. She called up my husband this morning and said that she would plead (plead!) with the administrators of the place where she lives to let her stay.
My heart breaks for her. She’s my esteemed mother-in-law. She loves me, and I love her. She’s been very kind to me since I arrived in the US in December 1988, and she’s been very generous to both her sons and daughters-in-law. And she’s no ordinary mom-in-law. She’s been a scientist, psychologist, professor and artist in her earlier life. She’s been a Witness for Peace in Nicaragua, been arrested in front of the White House, while protesting wars and inequities, been among the earliest to visit China, when the US and China reached a rapprochement in the 1970s. She was the founder of the Minnesota Plan for the Continuing Education of Women in the late 50s. She has a deep sense of integrity. Yes, she has her negative points, but then, who doesn’t? This is not the time for anyone to remember them. Right now, she’s the best of herself (except that she does not want to leave — the place where she lives currently is lovely, and she loves it with all her heart).
It’s going to be the most painful wrench, both for her, and for my husband, who has to be the one to take her to the new place. He’s not looking forward to it. I can only imagine his mix of emotions — for, who can really tell what someone else’s relationship is to his or her parents? Only we ourselves know who we are vis-à-vis our parents. All other conjectures are just that — conjectures. For him, as it is for many of us, a lifetime of interaction with our parents must follow some sort of pattern: Adoration followed by love, followed by admiration, followed by impatience, followed by strife, followed by more admiration, love, impatience and irritation. For others, it’s much more, probably worse. And, permeating through all this, must be a longing to be accepted, validated, admired and praised for one’s actions, choices, life, because ALL children want this.
I think about what it was like for my grandfather, who declined and died after six months following his fall from the stairs in my family home in India over eleven years ago. I remember that it was my mother who tended to him, and cared for him, even more than my grandmother. My husband was visiting India at the time, and he remembers holding his hand and singing softly to him at his bedside. It made my grandfather very happy. I wish I could have been there. When my own father was diagnosed with liver cancer, his condition did not land him in a nursing home — mostly, in India, that does not happen. He was at home, cared for, coddled and loved by my mother, and my close relatives (my Grandmother and Aunt). My brother was there towards the last few weeks to help, and bore the pain of seeing our father in terrible agony. My sister came over from California a week before his death to do the same. I could not make until three days before he died, but at least I saw him, and talked to him, and all of us held his hands till the moment of his death. In India, it’s a different kind of society from Western society, as far as I can see. Old age, disease and decline are accepted philosophically. It’s not easier, but it’s much more common to say, “What to do? Such is life!” Emotions are still emotions, and complex emotions remain so through the course of experiencing a parent’s life and decline.
When my father died of cancer, he was in the hospital for only three or four days, and ALL of us were there with him at his moment of passing away. And when my mother-in-law passes away, I hope we will be there for her, as well (fortunately, she is in the best of health, at age 92).
At the moment of death, all complex emotions will be swept aside. Only love will prevail. The pure and simple will remain. At the moment of death, all can be wiped clean, if we let it.
Much like the rain on the patio this morning.
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Tags: #cognitive decline of a parent, #Death, acceptance, Indian society, nursing home, old age, parents and children, Western society
Oct 25, 2015 Daily Life, Ramblings and Musings
Coddling The Hod
©October 25th, 2015
By Vijaya Sundaram
Fifty-nine more bulbs went into the ground today, in between my running around, doing various other things. (Someone give me a blunt object so I can knock myself out!)
My dog, Holly (aka, The Hoddles, aka The Hod) gave me a reproachful stare when I came back in after that. Actually, she’s given me several
reproachful looks today.
I could read her mind plainly, which telepathed these questions at me:
WHAT could be more important than me? Why did you go out with your daughter this morning where I couldn’t follow you?
(Answer: Holly, I took her to her kathak dance class!)
Why did you not play with the stick I proffered you when you stepped into the backyard?
(Holly, I was cleaning up the mess in the back yard!)
What were you doing messing about in the front yard where I couldn’t get to you?
(Holly, I was planting tulip, crocus, daffodil and narcissus bulbs.)
Why did you go out AGAIN this evening?
(Holly, we had to go to our Agbekor and Ashanti drum group at Tufts.)
I tried to answer her thus, but all I got were sad, reproachful looks.
My dog does NOT care for all this human activity. All she knows is that I was not there for her today. Sure, I take her on very long walks on practically most days, and when I don’t, W does. But her whole attitude is one of: Sure, but that was then; this is now. What have you done for me LATELY?!
So, I did the next best thing when we got home tonight — after greeting her ecstatically, I made her a big omelette, and followed it up with fresh yogurt. AND I gave her treats.
It’s not the same as “quality time,” yes.
Call it bribery and corruption.
Call it a foolish coddling of The Hoddles.
Call it whatever you like — but she was happy!
And that’s all from me today/night, folks!
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Tomorrow, the Fells beckon us. I’m sure she’ll forgive me!
Tags: Dog needs, Dog telepathy, Human activity, planting bulbs
Oct 24, 2015 Daily Life
Crunch of leaves,
Underfoot, a soft sound.
Golden-brown flutters down,
Red-rich, green-meagre trees
Bravely holding on.
Slant-wise light,
Deepening shadows,
Graying skies.
Dog by my side,
Paws scudding,
Joy fills her nose.
Up the slopes, and
Down the craggy
Face of the wooded hills,
Down the leafy paths
Narrow and wide,
Into that which is
Familiar, but always
Changing. Strange!
I, the human, will
Forever be the watcher,
With and without
These woods I love so well.
Never of them, but in.
But my familiar, my dog,
Will show me her world
Nose a-quiver, tail aloft,
And I will enter,
Oh, so softly,
With the scent of fall
Falling soft,
While the leaves crunch
Underfoot.
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Tags: #Original Poetry, Walk in the Middlesex Fells in the fall, wilderness is paradise enow