Vijaya Sundaram

Poet, Musician, Teacher, and Amateur Visual Artist

Deeper than Silence

Deeper than Silence

©June 15th, 2015

Vijaya Sundaram

gentle twang of strings

thrilling to ten-year old

tender fingers in golden

room filled with sweet childhood.

clicking of keys on computer

here in room awash in

sweeps of scarves and sheets.

whoosh of cars outside

dividing rain-washed streets

flinging aside water

cutting through space

hiss of electricity

the steady hum of it

permeating the air

outside my ears makes me

still, stiller than still

retreating to a place

deeper than silence.

__________________________________

Upon Leaving
Darkly, but Darkly

Darkly, but Darkly

©June 5, 2015

By Vijaya Sundaram

I am here, and yet

I am not.  I exist somewhere.

You look at me,

Eyes opaque with layers

Of expectation, with preconceptions

Which pull like weights,

With ghosts that float upwards

From the wishes of others

Crowding around behind

Your gaze, hot and oppressive,

Dark, without stars.

What do you see?

Why this mockery?

Why this scorn and laughter?

Why the curled lip, the sneer?

Why this disrespect, this

Lack of courtesy?

Am I there for you

As a person, a teacher, a woman

A girl, a child, a student?

I am here, and I have been torn

From the womb of a richly

Happy, pregnant universe

That hummed to me

And lulled me to sleep

As I was being rocked within

Her spiral galazies.

In your gaze, here now,

I am reduced to a thing

A person who simply stands

In your way, speaking words

That ring hollow and meaningless,

While you chew on your gum,

Mindlessly playing with

A trivial toy.

In your gaze,

Am I narrow and tall

Or short and dark and wide

Like a spinning earth,

Whose equator grows,

And whose poles get flattened,

And whose gravity deepens

With time?

What do you want from me?

What does anyone want?

What do I want from you?

Probably nothing, really.

Or maybe, everything –

Everything that has no name,

That slides smoothly

Sideways between layers

Of a real world, a real life,

Slivering and splintering

That which is real into

Reflections upon reflections.

So, you want something, or nothing

From me, and so do I, from you.

Yet, here we are, fascinated,

Irritated, angry, disinterested,

Engaged, detached, leaning forward,

Pushing back, turning sideways.

Would you like to hear me speak?

You do?

I do.

First, you are filled with admiration,

And now, your head droops.

Is it too much, what I say?

Is it all too much,

All those words, those

Endless streams of words

Sweeping away all protest

All other things you wanted to say?

Am I real in your eyes?

Are you real in mine?

We see each other but

Through a glass,

And as we reach out,

Touch fingers, palms, hands

Shake hands,

The glass cracks and shatters

And we get cut to the quick.

So, we back away, and quickly

Conjure up another glass in its place.

In this, our world, things

Shift shape, scream, scatter,

Reform, melt and blend,

And blur, and re-form, all figures

In a hyper-real dream.

For, reality is

Entirely too much.

You see me.

I see you.

And we won’t know each other again,

As we gaze through a glass

Darkly, but darkly, searching in vain,

For all will have changed,

And we will not see us.

_____________________________________________________

Dusk-Walk
Still Point

Still Point

©May 20th, 2015

By Vijaya Sundaram

First, your backbone fuses.

Then, your fingers grow numb, and your toes tingle.

Then, your arms and legs refuse to move.

Then, your face refuses to register your thoughts.

Then, your heart stops.

Then, your eyes stare, full,

So full of galaxies,

No one can bear to see them.

So they close your eyes gently,

Watching your last exhale

Float upwards, a wisp of self —

Floating, then gone.

And you tumble headlong into that tunnel

And your life stretches behind, and above,

And below, and in front of you,

Whirling swirls of life, churning

Out of a primordial Life.

And all those you knew,

Stand ranged along the tunnel

Like images on subway walls

Speeding past, while you stand still,

Their smiles stretched past you.

Their tears scatter on your

Speeding form, like water dashing

Off the roof of a car.

And all those things that

Kept you up at night,

And all those things that

Made you rage blindly,

Made you happy, made you delirious,

Made you ecstatic, made you quiet,

All those things speed by,

Dreams within a dream,

Back, back into that period

Where all light and all darkness

Fused to a single point,

Back through the time before time,

To that still point,

Just before it all began.

Before it will all begin,

Again.

_____________________________________________________

Today in Song and Air

Today in Song and Air

© May 16th, 2015

Vijaya Sundaram

Cheerful, tender birdsong fills the languid air.
I feel cheerful, tender and languid.
I do not feel like working.
I want to be a bird.
I want to be air.

I cannot wait,
For one day, I shall
Be air and spirit and song
And fire and sun and blinding light
And not even remotely made of flesh and bone.

__________________________________________________

_____________________________

Courage OR Writing Your Novel

Courage

Or

Writing Your Novel

© May 11, 2015

By Vijaya Sundaram

Let your person sprout her wings

Let her fall on small blue things.

Let him stand up really tall or

Make him shrivel up so small.

Let him quarrel, let her fight

Let them be wrong, and then be right.

Let them love and let them hate

Show them truth early or late.

Let them die, or let them live

Let them take, and let them give.

Lead them from each other,

Back to sister, brother, father, mother.

Make their friends their fiercest foes

So they can stumble, fall and know

What living is, what life can be.

And thus your novel is reality.

They Will Not Die (Elegy #2 for Freddie Gray)

They Will Not Die (Elegy #2 for Freddie Gray)
By Vijaya Sundaram
©May 2nd, 2015

Freddie Gray is dead,
Voice-box crushed,
Back broken in a
Nickel-ride homicide.

Was there hope for Freddie Gray,
Gray in a grey world?
Nebulous justice rules, a
Cloudy truth in the world of
The makers and breakers.

Hope is crushed, lowered
Into the ground,
Back in the box whence she came.

Yet, voices outside speak aloud
Angry and proud, people stand
And march, and … then throw rocks.

For, when words don’t work, what’s left?
When actions born of peace
Lead to laughing contempt,
Blank indifference, grudging handouts,
What’s left?

When blinded eyes, blinded mouths,
Blinded hearts, blinding fears
Rule the rulers, and crush
The ruled and the damned,
What else is left?

And a city burns,
Children cry out, eyes stretched wide
And injustice rides
Comfortably, now in blue,
Shielded by certainty
That they will not lose
This game, their game.

For they own the weapons
They own the power
They own it all,
But they will never
Own the truth.

And Justice will come
For they do not own her, either,
Just her simulacrum.

And they will receive just desserts
And face an eternity
Where unending despair
And hungry remorse will
Claw and gnaw at their vitals,
And they will not die.

And Freddie Gray
Will live, if we let him,
If we remember.

_________________________________________________________

Speak – A Lamentation

Speak – A Lamentation
By Vijaya Sundaram
©May 2nd , 2015

Spine broken,
Voice box crushed,
Yet another young man
Dies, beaten in the race
Of life.

Twenty-five years alive —
Now, older than time.
Life stretched before him
Before death came
Cruelly, in the back
Of a nickel-ride van.

He broke his own spine, they say.
They lie!  How they lie!
Our hearts fail us, sense falters —
Brazen untruth spewed from mouths of
Killers, snuffers of the weak,
The disenfranchised,
Our police ride strong,
While a son is dead.

He broke his own spine, you say?
I laugh in disbelief.
But some buy their story
Listening with stretched ears
To lies pouring from all sides.

For lies sustain some,
And comfort them, while
They sit spellbound,
While flat-screens, plasmic,
Pour out flat people
Speaking flatly about
A three-dimensional world
Rendered two-dimensional —
A grotesque Guernica
Sans history, sans meaning,
To those who sit,
Gesturing with painted fingernails,
Dyed hair, painted-on smiles,
Or communing  with
Neatly slicked-back hair and
Business suits, patent-leather shoes,
Sputtering about matters they know not of.

But this death looms over us, while
Yet more voices arise —
An ark on a wave of sorrow.

And who will ride this wave?
And who will bring the ark
To land again?

And who will bring back
The olive branch, the olive leaf
And who will sight land?

And who will stand tall
And who will speak
And whose backs
Will take the weight
Of all they need
To build again, anew?

And who will remember
And mourn all the
Freddie Grays
Of the world
Extinguished, voiceless,
Back broken?

And who will speak for them?
And who will listen?
And who will heal
A nation that kills its own?

Tell me when you know.

________________________________________

Waiting to be Found

Waiting to be Found

©April 10, 2015

By Vijaya Sundaram

I see you, intent, focused

On shadows and light,

And I see your eyes move

As you follow fantasies

On flat, hollow surfaces,

Made and sold everywhere

For you.

And I wish I could

Blow away the cobwebs

In your mind

And open windows

And fling open doors

And sweep out the floors

For you!

I feel for you,

Ensconced in darkness

Playing with shadows,

Imagining you’re happy

With games and candy,

Perhaps thinking

What’s out there?

Out there are stars,

And sky, and clouds

And birds, and trees

And flowers and bees,

Waiting to be found.

And angles and angels,

Archetypes and archangels

And anarchy and autarchy

And humanity and divinity

Waiting to be found.

And songs and poems,

And inventions and theories

Dreams and prophesies,

And a wildly spinning earth,

All waiting to be found.

One day, there will be you,

Held aloft by loose string,

Looking for all of this,

For a way out of all that,

Waiting.