A Girl Gets Her Period And Is Banished To The Shed: #15Girls – An NPR article.
Please read the linked article above.
This is my comment upon reading it:
This happens not just in Nepal.
In South Indian Tamil Brahmin culture (at least in the Iyer caste), this is called “Duram” — literally “distance.” Something similar happened to my sister and to me — the not-being-able-to-touch things or people part, or not being able to go into the kitchen, where the Hindu Gods are usually housed. (At least, we could sleep in our own rooms in our own houses still, and not be relegated to some horrible shed, like these poor girls. And fortunately, we weren’t blamed for anything if we touched something or someone by mistake.)
Still, I hated the custom of the three-day (always three days) segregation with all my heart, and argued with my mother, and stormed against the custom. I didn’t argue against it at first, though. I simply accepted what I was supposed to do, and felt truly afraid that if I touched a plant or a tree, I would kill it or harm it. I never told anyone about this fear at the tender age of ten. I simply kept it within. I was truly afraid. There is no basis for this, except that one is young, and one accepts one’s parents’ dicta about such matters. I hadn’t begun rebelling, yet.
When I got older, I said, “How come I’m allowed to go to school and mingle with everyone? Couldn’t someone else be on her period? I mean, shouldn’t I have to have a ritual bath (which one takes on the morning of the “fourth” day) EVERY day, if you consider menstruation to be impure? If we go on buses, and mingle with people, shouldn’t ALL of us have this ritual bath, because *someone* might be on her period? And how is it being impure, anyway?” (Or words to that effect)
My mom simply waved all this away, and so did other older female relatives of mine. I had no choice. I had to obey. And because I was an obedient child, I DID obey, while resenting it with all my heart.
In my teens, I said bitterly, “Just wait. I’ll marry someone from far away, and not follow ANY of these customs. ”
My mom said, “That’s fine. You can do whatever you like in your own house.”
My mom has now moved on to more modern ideas, but she still prefers it if anyone who’s on a period stays away from the “god” room and the kitchen.
And I?
I did marry someone from far away, and I’m happy.
I am staunchly atheist.
I resist tradition.
I hate superstition — it has a way of infecting the young and innocent, and also the old and not-so-innocent. It paralyzes our minds and poisons our actions.
I refuse to follow blindly accept someone’s statements about the way things work, unless those statements are backed by science / actual, empirical facts.
I am willing to change my mind about nonsense, even my own.
I make sure that my child can think for herself. And if I hand down incorrect information to her, I make sure to correct myself and let her know.
I ask her to question me, and resist me (mostly, she does not — but that’s the way the young can be. At least, she’s resisted me sometimes. I’m happy that she does, even when I’m annoyed about it.)
—————————————————————-
More thoughts about this:
The problem with tradition is that it’s also intertwined with culture, and culture is problematic. So much is excused by others because it is “culture.” Everyone is afraid of saying anything against any culture, because well … you know, we don’t really have the right since we’re not part of it, or some such thing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my cultural heritage, Indian music, the temple rituals (which, of course, I don’t follow), the festivals, the food, the ritualized forms of respect, the unthinking patterns of behavior, which look lovely from the outside. I love it — it’s beautiful, it’s soothing, it’s predictable and it’s reassuring. One doesn’t have to make any decisions on one’s own. The culture decides it for one.
That’s great, if you like that sort of thing.
I don’t — not some of it, anyway.
And yet, I go back every year. I seek the good, the beautiful and that which is inspiring in my culture. I like the forms of respect (which this country sadly lacks), the customs, the kindness of relations and neighbors, the marriage, birth and death rituals which make it easier to deal with all three, because so many participate in making it so.
Still, I don’t think I’ll use most of such traditions (or at the most, I’ll use the essence of some of those traditions), if left to myself.
I still have a life ahead. Who knows what I’ll do? Perhaps, I’ll turn to the comfort of ritual and culture. Perhaps, not.
One thing I will not miss, ever — and you know what that is. It’s this custom of ritualized segregation during menstruation.
It’s time for India to break that custom, and crush it to dust underfoot.
It’s time for the Enlightenment.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________