Aug 16, 2015 Ramblings and Musings, The Daily Post
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Breakdown.”
Breakdown
©August 16th, 2015
by Vijaya Sundaram
One of the things that plagues me the most is my utter, shameless (okay, there’s some shame) caving to my nocturnal self, and the need to write or work deep into the night, and sometimes into the morning.
Why? Because, I adore solitude, and I love to taste the darkness pressing in upon the windows, while I sit, surrounded by things that fascinate me — books, computer, a mason jar sparkling with water, a cheap Pier One tapestry on the kitchen wall.
The night is my lover (okay, so is my husband, but he’s asleep), and there’s mystery and magic, and quietude — and occasionally small furry creatures outside my kitchen window — I glimpsed two small skunks once, and three raccoons on our pine tree in the back yard, their gleaming silver eyes reflecting the flashlight I shone on them to get a better look. I love the silver sickle of a young moon, or the cool light of a full moon sweeping the window-panes through moving tree-brances. I love the hum of the refrigerator and the soothing whirring of the fan.
Night, my secret lover, welcomes me into her/his arms (but I have a light too, because, well, how could I see what I’m typing, or reading, or perusing on the Internet, or … shudder … grading (papers)? Thankfully, that last will not happen any more, because, well, I QUIT public school teaching. THAT was a habit I broke!
Where was I? Ah yes, my habit, my nocturnal habit of doing pointless things deep into the silence of my solitude.
And, sadly, this is the habit I want to break.
For, attractive, and private, and delicious though this solitude is, and wonderful though it is to get work done, unfettered by the pressing demands of daytime, it is not good for me, nor is it good for my family. And I know I’m shaving years off my life from this pernicious habit (which has persisted since I was fourteen).
You see, my family misses me. Yes, I do all the things I’m supposed to do — I play with the dog, take walks with daughter/husband, cook, shop for food, do laundry, and so on, I also end up getting up much later in my summer vacation mode than any person should, unless one is a teenager, whereupon all rules crumble to dust — and I’m always tired. I never come down for breakfast at the same time as they do (summer, summer!), and I dislike breakfast, anyway. I want my coffee, black and strong and ready to knife through my somnolent mumblings.
So, this habit is the one I’m planning to break. I will, I shall, I must.
But not just yet.
It’s still summer vacation mode.
Please?
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