Sep 28, 2015 Writing 101

So, I did not deal with the prompt relating to stats pages, and such.  Those things are too off-putting, because my readership seems to go up and down, and I don’t want to wonder why.  I decided that I would work on one of the alternative prompts, and chose this one: 

Overnight, you discover you’ve gained 50,000 blog subscribers. What would you write for your next post?

If I gained 50,000 blog subscribers, I would be instantly suspicious.  I would wonder what had happened, and whether the universe were playing a trick on me.

While I write almost every day, I am not what you would call “popular.”  It’s apparently not part of my style.  I wouldn’t mind being popular, but I know why I won’t be.  I don’t have lots of beautiful photographs (I own a dumb phone, and thus, am not immediately able to transfer pictures I might take), nor do I write about my personal angst quite as much (although I do post those types of things from time to time).  The topics I choose are NOT about hobbies, politics, books, gardening, religion, spirituality, yoga, knitting, baking, flying, travelling (I’m using the older double-the-consonant spelling of travelling here, and spell-check can go take a leap), or other interesting, fun-to-read, people-attracting topics.

So, what do I write?  I write stories and poems, and occasionally share a personal story.  My posts are not in a popular, breezy, funny, sentimental or revelatory style.  I wish I did write in such styles, sometimes, so that I could see my stats page shoot up a little.  On my first (now private) blog, I got something like 170 views on February 10th, 2013, the first day I started the old blog (which was amazing), and then, it petered out after that (which wasn’t surprising).  On this blog, the most number of views I’ve had occurred on Sept. 18th, 2015.  I got 97 views — it surprised me, because, by my humble standards, that’s a lot.  I did gain something from the Insights page on the Stats site — something about the most popular day being Friday, and the most popular time being 5:00 p.m.  Not too surprising!

I find that the number of views goes up when I get chatty.  At least that’s what I think the reason might be.   It seems to me that blogs are about being chatty and engaging.  When I visit a lot of sites and read other people’s work (always challenging, seeing that one has to also keep abreast of one’s own work, take care of family, and so on), they reciprocate.  Whether they stop by once and never return, or whether they take a fancy to what I write is another matter.  However, the number of viewers does  increase the chattier I get, and the more I “put myself out there.” 

Here’s the nub of the problem:  Putting myself out there is hard for me.  I am, simultaneously, extroverted and introverted.

This, alas, has always been the case with me.  I used to perform a lot as a singer-songwriter, and as a band-leader of my rock-band in school and college in India  I was good at it.  I loved being on stage, and was able to work the crowds easily.  I did NOT suffer from stage-fright.  I could make jokes and raise a laugh on stage.  I could deliver my music with style and aplomb.  I was in my element.  When I married my husband and came over to this country, I performed at the street level, the subway level, at the coffeehouse stage level and the concert level — all this while working at a low-paying job at a music company.  And yet … I decided that that life was not one I wanted to lead.  I didn’t want to hustle, to push myself forward, to put out all that schmoozing energy which the act of promoting oneself requires.

I wanted to teach, and be of some use in the world in a setting where I knew I could work some magic.  And I did.  I was the teacher to whom students came to share their creative writing, or poetry, or art or ideas.  I was the person who, many of my students told me, changed their lives, made them dream of a world where they could make a difference, and pursue their dreams.  And I taught with energy, with humor, with vision and kindness.  I loved doing that.  Many of my students are still in touch with me via Facebook and email, and they have gone on to wonderful careers.  I love them, bless them, and am proud of them.

Then, last year, I found I’d had enough.  I loved teaching, but couldn’t bear all of the politics that surround teachers and teaching.  I didn’t belong to any teacher-y cliques, and — believe me — teacher-cliques are worse than student-cliques.  I found I didn’t belong — anywhere.  I found, on top of that, that I didn’t want to.  

My husband helped me when I said I couldn’t bear to be in public school teaching anymore.  He said, “I support your decision to leave.  We can make it work.  I want my wife back.”  So, I quit teaching this year, after seventeen years of learning what it means to be an Indian teaching English in an affluent public school system in America.  I had given too much of myself away to my students, my school, my work.  The past three years have blurred in my memory.  My child needed me, my husband needed me, my dog needed me, and I  needed me!  And so, I tied up all my loose ends, gave my notice six months in advance, did all that I had to do, got praised and feted, as one does, and left in June of this year. 

This world of busy-ness is too much for me.  All this achievement-oriented stuff bores me to tears, but I am a creature of my times, too.  I know and admire those who achieve things — and wish I could.  See?  Contradictions abound.

The world, in general, is too much for me these days — and yet I love this life so much.  I love nature, animals, books, music, my lovely family and — above all, I love being able to sleep and dream again.  I love my quiet life now (it was not quiet for the past seventeen years).  I love walking in the woods with my husband, or talking with my daughter, and teaching her things, or learning things from her, or playing music with my family.  I like the obscurity in which I find myself.

How is all this related to blogging?

I guess it comes back to whether I want popularity and fame, or whether I want those few people for whom my work, my life, my words make a difference.

So, if my readership suddenly goes up to 50,000, I will be deeply, deeply suspicious.

And I would come to the following conclusions:
1.  Either, I have tapped into the subconscious mind of the blogosphere, an entity in itself.
2.  Or, I have accidentally written about (the gods forbid!) a popular topic.
3.  No, wait, another option:  A gremlin has decided to play fast and loose with my site, and invited all its gremlin friends to the party.
4.  A gigantic entity from outer space has found me to be a creature of peculiar and arresting interest, and has (amoeba-like) indulged in reproductive fission to get past WP’s vigilant staff, and viewed my stuff 50,000 times, while subscribing 50,000 times.

In which case, I’ll have to decide whether to retire into obscurity (the kind I enjoy now) or stay in the limelight and bask in it (something I wouldn’t mind doing, which I even crave from time to time), and write more about other popular topics, and use my influence to change some things in the world. 

Or, I would have to create a gremlin of my own to distract the subscription gremlins.  I might have to hoodwink the entity from outer space into believing that I would love to have it over for coffee, crumpets and conversation, in my noble, self-sacrificing, valiant attempt to prevent it from wreaking statistical havoc on other bloggers’ blogs.  After that, I will fall into “innocuous desuetude,” as the brilliant Mr. Nicholas Slonimsky puts it, and dash off morbid or magical pieces on my blog page in spasmodic fits of madness. 

So, what would my next topic be?  How Not to Get Popular and Take the Bouquets with the Brickbats?  Butterflies in springtime?  Dogs Amongst the Pine-Needles?  Education Among the Bloated Elite?  Gremlins in the Kremlin?  My Eternal Angst-rom Units?   Why I Wish to Turn Into A Statue And Not Utter Another Word?

Who knows?

And meanwhile, I ended up writing about stats pages and viewership, while skirting the main topic.  Sigh.  And meanwhile, the contradictions continue. 

I do know what I’ll always do, what I’ve done since I began blogging!  You know what that is, don’t you?

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Tags: #Contradictions, 50000 blog subscribers YAY!, Dreaming in the blogosphere, Popularity be damned!, Reveling in obscurity