Jun 10, 2016 Daily Life, Ramblings and Musings
Yearning for the Past
©June 10th, 2016
By Vijaya Sundaram
Usually, I live in the present. Some days, however, a deep nostalgia, akin to grief, grabs hold of me and doesn’t let go. This surprises me, because I like to think of myself as being free from all that. I’m not.
I yearn for every single minute of my life, every moment, whether good or bad. I want to relive everything with a double sense of self– my younger self in that moment in time, and my present self, watching over me.
I yearn for the indefinable newness of everything when I was young. Yes, there’s newness now, as well, but I want to go to that first sense of wonder at experiencing the world through childhood, teenagehood, young adulthood, even my entry into motherhood. I could list all those memories, sensations, emotions and thoughts, but this is not about listing.
One cannot step in the same river twice. I know that. There is one place where the shadow of a shadow of a shadow of my lived life can be captured – in my mind, and through that, into words on paper, or the screen, where it undergoes another transformation.
Reality is Supreme, and Life is supremely indifferent.
I know every fold in my brain contains those first impressions, and all the minutes, the hours, the days of my life. I still remember some things so vividly, it’s almost as if I were there – they’re not so much memories that one can share as much as sensations of things.
In the end, all of this will be dust. Where will all those memories go? Will my daughter’s cells carry the memories of her parents’ cells? And do we all carry not just our own, but also our ancestral memories?
Perhaps, those memories will join the ether, and transmit themselves through dreams.
Or, perhaps, those memories will form themselves into new people. And when those people meet, they will feel kin, and wonder why.
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Tags: #déjà vu, #Memories, #Musings, #Reliving the past
Sep 28, 2015 Ramblings and Musings
Blood-Dark and Bright Night — The Night of the Supermoon Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse
©September 28th, 2015
By Vijaya Sundaram
W (my husband), S (our daughter), Holly (our dog) and I were together in the hour when the moon went from half-lit to completely blood-dark — and the dog went slightly nuts.
It was a beautiful eclipse. Alas, we didn’t see the first forty-two minutes of it, but were there for the beautiful glowing white-giving-way-to-blood-red period.
We were at the Sheepfold a couple of miles from our house. It was dark, surrounded by woods, and we thought there would be no one else there, but there was a silent couple who suddenly loomed into our vision. Later, our dog went a little grrr-crazy, when some lights came swinging in through the darkness, and a man (dressed in kilts, I think), and a woman dressed equally colorfully, and rather “pagan”istically came through with flashlights, and smoke issued from a swinging censer — as they left with cheerful greetings, we smelled sage in the air around us. It was rather nice. Some ritual, I imagine.
It was mysterious and lovely being out there. Our dog was anxious, though, but cheered up when all three of us hugged her, and soothed her. We’ve never done anything like this before with her — all three of us with her out in the darkness in a place she’s visited only during the daytime. Dogs must have a strange understanding of us humans, and our seemingly illogical impulses.
I don’t know whether our dog will remember this night, unless it’s in a lunar dream, where she’s frantically chasing night creatures on a blood-red-mood-dark nightmare in the safety of our bedroom.
But when we are all older, and our daughter looks back on this night, I hope she will remember with a little shiver of pleasure and nostalgia. I know that I will remember, and so will my husband.
For we humans are nothing if not our memories. We are entire edifices built from memory upon memory laid brick by brick by us, for us, on us, about us.
And a family is cemented by such memories.
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Please note: The Blood Moon Supermoon image I used in “Featured Image” is copyright free from photobucket:
[http://media.photobucket.com/user/Peacefulrain09/media/Thorn%20Acanthus%20s%20%20Album/red1.gif.html?filters[term]=blood%20moon&filters[primary]=images&filters[secondary]=videos&sort=1&o=28]
Tags: #Musings, Bloodmoon Super moon Eclipse, Family time, Memories of a rare eclipse